That is an observation that I made that literally changed my outlook on success and how I was going about attaining it. This saying is in direct relation to the old “its not what you know, its who you know”.

As a kid, my mother would tell me to watch who I hung around, because they could rub off on me. I had no idea what she was talking about at the time. I thought that I was completely in control of my thoughts, actions, and circumstances. But like all teenagers, I was naive.

Guilty by Association

People will oftentimes associate your behaviors and thoughts with the people you hang out with. If you are in a group of individuals who look like ex-convicts or drug users, people will automatically judge you to be an ex-convict or drug user. Why else would you be in such a group if you all werent like minded? Law enforcement calls guilt by association “accomplice liability”. If you are driving your car and your passenger was in illegal possession of drugs or a firearm without your knowledge, the police could nail you for their actions. For one person to “judge a book by its cover” is unfair, but to do so is built into our socio-evolutionary design. As we go through our day, we come across hundreds if not thousands of people. Our brains are hardwired to make snap judgments based on compulsive evidence (”he’s in a really nice suit and on his cell phone, must be somebody important” or, “shes wearing a really short skirt and her breasts are popping out of her top, she must be ‘easy’”). We do the same when it comes to group identity.

Group Identity

The best place to see how group identity works is a high school lunchroom. Each group or “tribe” is separated by similarities in thought, activity, and interest. All the nerds, the football, basket ball and Lacrosse players, the “preps”, the “goths”, and the “thugs” all share qualities and traits that are associated with the group as a whole. For the nerd to leave his tribe and join another, her must take on the qualities of his new tribe (assimilation), or he wouldnt be accepted. Thats why we automatically judge others based on the group they are in; because if he didnt possess qualities similar to the rest of the group, then he wouldnt be a part of that group.

Frottage

The good news about group identity is that it works both ways. In other words, by associating yourself with the rich, famous, or important, others will bestow the same admiration and access upon you.  In Gretchen Rubin’s book, Power Money Fame Sex: A User’s Guide, she uses the term “fame frottage” (to get fame, rub up against somebody famous) to illustrate this point.

But theres more to achieving success and building your net worth than just hanging around people who have done so. The value in your association with the powerful and the successful comes from your access to their formula for achievement. You are able to consult them for advice, pick their brains for knowledge, and gain access to places, events, and their network of even more influential people. How valuable would it be to be mentored by a millionaire?
Or to be able to call up Donald Trump and ask for advice on an investment real estate purchase? Or to practice with Tiger Woods? Or to shadow the CEO of a large company? You get the idea!

Just as I talked earlier about assimilation, you will have to change some of your characteristics in order to sit at the power player’s lunch table. Make a list of characteristics that people share in the field that you wish to be successful in, and align yourself with those things. For instance;

• Where do they eat lunch?
• What books do they read (hint: see Required Reading)
• What do they do in their free time?
• Where do they shop and how do they dress?
• How do they get their news and information?

If you know that golf is a favorite pass time of your desired network, learn to play the game and ask for advice from them! They will take you under their wing, since you have given them an ego boost by acknowledging their “talent”. While they are coaching you, you can bring up last night’s CNBC special on India’s emerging economy proving to your new network that either you are one of them or a qualified to be one of them. Now youre being invited to join them for drinks at their favorite watering hole and BAM!, youre in.

In a Nutshell:

• If you want to improve your chances of success, change your social circle
• To be, you must become
• You can either control your network, or it will control you image and destiny
• Remember the Law of Attraction: Like Attracts Like!

Successful people have learned to define their place in the social order. Whether you wish to become a CEO, or writer, or dancer, or entrepreneur, this formula will help you align yourself with the people who can make your desired outcome a reality.

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Part 1
by Arthur Pledger

This is the first of a 5 part series that will cover each element of this Success Model. The components of success pyramid is the result of studying my personal success as well as the success of countless other individuals. With this model, you will be able to replicate successful results in every endeavor that you choose to undertake.

Lack of Talent is No Excuse!

Notice I did not include “talent” as part of my success model. That’s because many of the things that I have mastered in my life weren’t the result of a talent that I possessed beforehand, but came only after I motivated myself acquire the knowledge that would lead to mastery.

I was once employed by a sales company where I was told by my evaluators that I should be performing so much better than the mediocre results I dragged in. Meanwhile, idividuals who seemed to lack my natural abilities of public speaking and charisma seemed to thrive. Watching this dynamic in action, it dawned on me: Greatness isnt automatically granted to a person just because they are talented. Greatness is a choice.

Fortune Magazine produced an article entitled What It Takes to Be Great:

“you do not possess a natural gift for a certain job, because targeted natural gifts don’t exist. You are not a born CEO or investor or chess grandmaster. You will achieve greatness only through an enormous amount of hard work over many years. And not just any hard work, but work of a particular type that’s demanding and painful.”

“Elite performers in many diverse domains have been found to practice, on the average, roughly the same amount every day, including weekends.” – What it Takes to be Great

Motivation is the foundation of any successful venture. Without the drive to reach the pinnacle of excellence, you will fall far short of the investment needed to make your goal a reality.

Its not enough to simply say “I will be great”, you must define very specifically what you will be great at. For instance, if you want to become a world class basketball player, you first must identify the areas that you need to be great at specifically (free throws, dribbling, rebounding, etc). Once you have identified these specific areas, you must be able to measure your progress numerically (99+% lay-ups, 70+% free-throws, 50+% field goals, 33+% 3-pointers). Once you begin to improve (from making 30% of all your shots one day to making 50% the next), the positive feedback that you will receive from your small victory will motivate you to keep going. Fear of losing progress will get you out of bed and into the gym at 5am. This example applies to every field of endeavor, be it losing weight, improving your credit, or writing a blog.

We all have days when we need an extra push to get up and get going. So what can you do to motivate yourself? Some of these great suggestions that have worked for me

1. Keep a progress chart – You will be able to see how far you’ve come, and how far you have to go. The act of filling in your chart alone will motivate you towards continuing your progress
2. Watch a movie clip – The hardest thing about going to the gym is going to the gym (because once you’re in there, the atmosphere will get you in gear). On days when I am finding it hard to get up and get into the gym, I watch the training montage from Rocky 4 on youtube. Or when I dont feel like hitting the phones and making sales, Glenngary, Glenn Ross does the trick
3. Keep an album – Full of images clipped from magazines or newspaper articles. Whatever reminds you of your mission or motivates you. Flip through your album whenever you find yourself lacking the motivation to get off your ass!

Your Homework:

1.On a piece of paper, identify an area that you wish to become great in. Break down all the individual elements that greatness in that area is made up of and attach a measurable number to those elements.

Example: I will reach a position of financial excellence by paying down $5000 in debt, increasing my credit score to 750, and buying a home that I will live in for at least 10 years.

2. Start work on your album. Grab a copy of the latest Robb Report, and use that as a primer. You know why they publish magazines like Robb Report? Because somebody is rich enough to buy the things in that magazine, is why! Why not you?

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